The 20-Things-I-Am-Thankful-For Challenge

     Thanksgiving has pretty much arrived. As you're stuffing your turkey and getting the guest rooms ready and increasing the amount of your Xanax prescription, take a moment to give thanks for at least one thing. I challenge you to think of 20. Here are mine. 

     1) My kids

     2) My girlfriend

     3) My parents

     4) My health

     5) My kindle

     6) My eyesight so I can read my kindle

     7) Having a job when so many don't.

     8) Mexican food

     9) Chinese food

   10) Greek food

   11) Pro football

   12) College football

   13) Comics

   14) Star Wars: Episode 7

   15) Star Wars

   16) Amazon.com

   17) God's unconditional love for me

   18) Diet Mountain Dew

   19) The Walking Dead

   20) You guys. My Faithful Readers. 

     From my family to yours, have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

The Return of the Relationship

     So I'm in a relationship again. For some time I had merely been in the Dating Zone, that nebulous, hauntingly shadowy-gray area where you're getting to know the person and see if you're compatible. Now... now she is my girlfriend and I will confess that I say that word with a certain amount of pride and abject fear. My track record is not so good. My marriage was good..... for about 45 seconds. I tell people that the difference between She Who Must Not Be Named when we dated and when we married... well, let's just say Jekyll and Hyde became reality for me.


     She quit her job after we married and expected me to support us on a Wendy's paycheck. Then she expected me to support her and our two kids on a Wendy's paycheck. She got involved in drugs, would stay out all hours of the night while I watched our two toddlers and tried to get enough sleep to manage a 50 mile drive to work and a 10 hour work day. She eventually found a job and liked what she did. I was happy. Until I found out the reason she liked it so much was because she was sleeping with the boss.
   
     I dated off and on afterward. Even tried eHarmony. Then I met a girl with whom I eventually had a relationship with. We were together a couple of years. We even discussed marriage. I moved in with her and things seemed okay until one night, out of a blue clear sky and with no warning whatsoever, she asked me to leave. I never did get a reason as to why, but I certainly didn't want to stay where I wasn't wanted. But after all of the sorrow and depression and moping I had time to reflect. She had been controlling. She wanted me to be her idea of what I should be. Not who I was.


      I'm a nerd and very childlike, which is different from childish. I liked, and still do, comic books and Star Wars and cartoons, etc. We were at Walmart one afternoon and while we were in the Electronics section, I was perusing the new movie releases and I saw the first season of The Greatest American Hero. I loved that show when I was a kid and I was pretty vocal and excited that I could snag this thing and relive some cheese from my childhood. I embarrassed her, she told me. She was molding me into whatever it was she wanted because who I was didn't suit her. That was eight years ago. I'm friends with her on Facebook and to this day she finds a guy who's good to her then breaks up with him, complaining about some trivial thing he does that she can't stand.


     Which brings me to now. She, referred to hereafter as Super Mom, is amazing. She loves her kids. Juggles her work as a teacher with basketball practices, helping with homework, cooking dinners, organizing holiday events, spending time with her recovering-from-a-car-accident dad and taking care of her pets:  a 50 pound Pit Bull/Weimeraner mix who thinks she's a lapdog, a cat in a near-constant state of sexual frustration, and two kittens who take playful to a level of destruction I've never seen in my lifetime.


     And still finds time to care about me. She doesn't get embarrassed if I think the Captain America shield in the toy department is freakin' awesome. She listens when I tell her the plot of the new Justice League comic I'm reading. She flat-out bends over backwards for me. She is the most caring, loving, unselfish woman I have ever known. She even went public on Facebook.


     To quote her youngest child, "That's romance, right there."


     How lucky am I?


     This Thanksgiving.... I hope you have someone special to spend it with. I went many years spending holidays alone. My kids were always there, sure, but I missed that other sort of companionship. And when the kids went home, I was alone again. I hope that you have that person that can put your life at a whole new level. Someone who respects you and genuinely cares for you in such a way that you never have to question it. That makes Thanksgiving dinner taste that much better. Or makes the star on your tree glow that much brighter.


     Someone who.... likes you.

   

   

The Day I Almost Got Arrested For Being A Buckeyes Fan.

     This is a true story. No names have been changed to protect the innocent because I was the innocent.

     The time: Summer 2009

     The place: Walmart parking lot


     I had the weekend off from work, where I had literally just started weeks before. I'm now an assistant manager of a restaurant but at the time I was merely a crew member making just above minimum wage.

     Keep in mind I was off for the weekend. It becomes important later.

     Anyhoo.....


     I was walking across Walmart parking lot in my Tennessee hometown. It was summer so I had on sandals, a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and my red Ohio State Buckeyes baseball cap that I always wore. As usually happens at Walmart, I had a definite shopping agenda. Ink pens. All I wanted were some ink pens.

     No trouble. Just ink pens.


      As I'm walking across the parking lot, eager to get in and out of Walmart with my sanity intact, a police car cuts in front of me. Thinking I need to start paying more attention to what's going on around me and less about ink pens, I stop short and apologize to the female officer in the car. Figuring there's some ne'er-do-well she's after on the other side of the parking lot, I simply sidestep the car and make my way to walk past the rear of it, resuming my trek to Department Store Hell.


     The police car backs up, once again blocking my path. Again I stop short and backpedal, getting more than a little angry about the situation.  The officer opens her door and steps out.

     "Do you live around here?" She asks?
     "Um... yes I do. Across the street as a matter of fact. Is something wrong?" I reply.
     "I need you to turn around and put your hands on the vehicle."
     I actually snickered. "I'm sorry.....?"
     The officer puts a hand on her holstered sidearm and, again, says, "Turn around and put your hands on the vehicle."
   

     I turned around and put my hands on the vehicle.

     She stood behind me and spread my legs apart and frisked me. I was made to put my wallet and keys on the hood of her car. She tells me that I look exactly like a guy they're looking for who was responsible for a home invasion three days before on Thursday. Right down to the red baseball cap and beard.

     My heart soared! I was a restaurant employee! I wasn't allowed to have a--

     Crap.

     I'd been off for the weekend.  I'd grown a goatee..

     She put my hands behind my back and I felt them being zip-tied. I'm not lying when I tell you I was scared out of my mind. Aside from a speeding ticket years before, I had never been in trouble with the police. Now, I was convinced I was going to jail.

     She asked me how long I'd lived in the area. Why was I at Walmart? Where was I at this time on this day. I was in big time trouble and I hadn't done a thing. All I wanted was some freakin' ink pens.

     As she's questioning me, another police car arrives and pulls in next to us. Backup has arrived and he gets out of his car.

    At this point, there are tears. And snot. I'm pleading my case and explaining that I have absolutely no idea what's going on and all I want are some ink pens and just as I'm sure the female officer has heard enough and is about to bend my head down and shove me in the back seat of the car like you see on TV and take me to jail where I'm going to meet lots of new friends and maybe have a new sexual experience, the other officer says, "How long have you had the beard?"

     The beard!

     "I've only had it since this weekend.. I work at ****** and we're not allowed to have beards."
     The female officer looks at me and says, "If I call ****** and ask your manager about it, will they verify it?"
     "Yes they absolutely will."


     The male officer pulls me to one side and launches into conversation. How long have I worked there? Do I like it?  The female officer is on the phone to my place of employment.  A minute or two later, she hangs up and walks over to us and says that my manager on duty did indeed verify that employees could not have beards. I was at work Thursday. It couldn't have been me.

     But she was still not convinced. Even without the beard, she was focused on my cap. She stared at me for the longest time and for a moment, I was sure I was still getting in that car. Then she walked behind me and cut the zip-tie loose. She said I was free to go and they both apologized for the mistake, leaving me in the parking lot with a crowd of interested onlookers.

     I don't know if they ever caught the guy they were looking for but I am convinced that the only thing that saved my bacon that afternoon was our policy of no beards.

     I still wear the cap proudly as a loyal Ohio State fan.

     I bet the female officer was a Michigan Wolverines fan.

 

   

   

   

The Coming Of.... Middle-Aged Dating

     Hello again, Friends! I apologize for the hiatus.  My promotion gives me no end of things to do but I hope to be a bit more regular from here on out.

     So. I'm dating.  I have never met a kinder, more fantastic woman.  Why on Earth she gives me the time of day when there are so many other worthy men suitable for her I have no idea.

     But I'm nervous.

     I've been divorced for over 12 years now and I have kids of my own.  I've dated since my divorce but never someone I've cared about so much and who has kids of her own.  This is my first time dating a woman who has kids of her own.

     I met her kids recently and they're great kids.  But I confess to being a bit nervous.  It's important to me that they like me and I think they do, but her divorce is still pretty fresh and she was married much longer than I was.  It's still so raw and new for her three kids, who are either teenaged or close to it, that I'm worried I'll be seen as The Intruder.

     Maybe I'm overthinking it.  And of course it will take time.  Hopefully my experiences as a father will help me with it, and I've been doing lots of research and Googling the subject.

     It is definitely a new and terrifying adventure.  But also a challenge I'm willing to take.

     I'll keep you posted.

The Amazing Average-Guy Gets Promoted

     Whew. I'm back. It's only been a couple of weeks but it feels like a month. I got promoted to Assistant Manager where I work and with it came more training, more hours, more responsibility, more money and less sleep.

     And I love my sleep.

     Love it.

     I boldly laugh at my parents when they tell stories about I hated to go to sleep when I was a kid. How hard it was to get me to go to sleep. I don't think so. Have they met me? This actually may be evidence to prove that I was adopted. That I'm really a Kennedy and somehow I got switched at birth. Although why the  Kennedys would have had a child in Dayton, Ohio in 1970 is beyond me. And, maybe, with all the trouble the Kennedys have had over the years, perhaps it's not such a bad deal.

     So, yes. I got promoted. I am now Assistant Manager of a store in a well-known QSR chain. QSR stands for Quick Service Restaurant. I just don't like the term "fast food". There are so many negative connotations that come with it.

     With this new job comes the ability to see QSR operations in a whole new light. Behind the scenes stuff, if you will. I've done this kind of work for years and I'm one of the profound few who really and truly like the work. It's hard sometimes. It makes me want to scream sometimes. But I've felt for a long time... and perhaps this comes from my being a follower of Jesus Christ... that there is no greater honor in serving others. In restaurant work, I'm doing the very thing Jesus commanded me to do.

     And let me say again. The work is hard. It's not for everyone. People tend to treat this kind of career the same way they treat the Army. If you're "flippin' burgers", you can't do any better. You didn't do well in high school. Girlfriend's pregnant and you gotta get a job doing something. You're lazy and unmotivated.

I've heard it all. Believe me. And I graduated high school. Top 25 in my class. I went to college. Majored in Journalism. For the longest time, my own parents never understood why I liked it. For years, all I heard was:

     "Well, it'll do till something else comes along."

     or....

     "You can do better with your life. Get a factory job. Or what you went to college for."

     and on and on and on.

   
     It's hard to have pride in this kind of work when people look at you with that kind of attitude. And I'm a guy that loves this work. We are constantly looked down on. If there was a Respect Totem Pole, QSR employees would be at the bottom. Somewhere below telemarketers and child molesters.


     Restaurant work requires a lot of patience. The ability to have thick skin. The ability to maintain a good attitude on days when you don't want to maintain a good attitude. The ability to remember lots of things being thrown at you almost constantly, like constantly changing procedures; what goes on a sandwich; what the customer wants on a sandwich after he's changed his mind seven times; how much the price of a product is; how much the price of a product is without a bun, with extra bacon, extra cheese, and a french fry and you have to know now because the guy ordering has exactly $3.46 to spend and you have a line full of people on their lunch break that need to get back to work.......

     But all we're doing is "flippin' burgers." We're all lazy. Unmotivated. Without options.

     And most QSR employees are high school kids and college kids needing the money. But some are husbands and wives who have lost their jobs and now struggle to make ends meet. Or they're like me. They like and believe in what they do.


      The work is hard and the pay is terrible. You start at, maybe, a couple of cents over minimum wage, working very often less than 40 hours a week. You're often bombarded by rude and uncaring customers who see you as less than dirt and you have to take it because you have no illusion that the customer is where the money comes from. No customers mean no sales. No sales means no money. No money means no work.

     Then, if you're lucky and you work hard, you get noticed and the company sees something in you and you might get promoted. And honestly, that's where the money is in this business.. But it takes effort and hard work to get there.

     And we make mistakes. But we do our best. We really do. And not all restaurants are the same, but most of them, and trust me not all, will happily fix it if they make a mistake. You spent your hard earned money on what you ordered. You trusted us to give you what you wanted. The way I see it you were a guest in my house and I dropped the ball and didn't make you happy.

     And it's not just Quick Service Restaurants. It's the higher end sit-down places. The cooks and servers alike. We all make mistakes. We really do respect our customers and we just want to do a good job.

     And now I'm an Assistant Manager. 3rd in the command chain. Not only do I do paperwork and manage shifts and other responsibilities, but I have to keep my crew motivated and happy in spite of all the obstacles I just mentioned.

     It's not easy. But we do it.

     Smile at us from time to time. Talk to us. Laugh and joke with us. If we did good, let us know. If we didn't, let us know so we can do better next time.

     This work is harder than anyone actually thinks and anyone who says they can do it, no problem, I'm challenging you now. A lot goes into good service.

     Sometimes we mess up.

     Just be patient with us. And be kind. Please.

   
   
   
 

The Amazing Average-Guy and The Madagascar Debacle

     So yesterday, I had my second date with my high school crush, Jodie, all growed up and gorgeous. Which went very well, actually, I think. I'll keep you posted.

     Anyway....

     She is a fan of the Madagascar series of movies, so we talked about seeing the third Madagascar movie. You know those movies, right? They're pretty popular. Alex the lion (voiced by one of my favorites, Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra, Gloria the hippo, and Melman, the hypochondriac giraffe. And the penguins. Can't forget the penguins. After Marty wants to experience the wild, pampered and spoiled New York City zoo animal Alex and crew find themselves shipped off to far off Madagascar where they find things aren't as easy in the city.

     Part 2 finds the gang in Africa after a failed attempt to get home, where they get involved in their own individual adventures.


     Totally dedicated to showing her a good time, I agreed to seeing the exploits of Alex and the gang as they are pursued across Europe in this new installment. I'm all for it. There's just one... small... problem. I hadn't seen the other two. I know, right?! She pretty much couldn't believe it either. So, ever so graciously, she agreed to introduce me to the world of Madagascar. So we skipped the third film and watched Madagascar 1 and 2. I liked them. I definitely want to see the third one. Those penguins crack me up.

     The whole Madagascar Debacle, as it will heretofore be known, got me thinking. There are a lot of kid-type movies that I haven't seen. Stuff I really should have seen. I mean, I'm a comic book nerd and card-carrying dork! I love cartoons! So, we compiled a list of popular kids movies I haven't seen that I'm going to make an effort to see this year. Try not to be too surprised. They are:

1. Kung Fu Panda 2. I saw KFP 1 and loved it. Just haven't managed to see 2. But it's actually on my DVR so I will get around to it.
2. Shrek 2 and 3. I actually didn't like Shrek that much, but I'm willing to go back and watch them and give it another try.
3. Puss In Boots. Funny, I hear, but a Shrek spinoff.  Still, I could give it a try.
4. Cars and Cars 2. Yes, I know they're popular and awesome but I can't make myself get interested in a film about talking cars. There's a scene in the movie where Lightning McQueen is driving past a field full of lettuce or cabbage or something. Why does a world full of cars need lettuce? I can't get past that. But, it's on the list. Actually, I may just hold off on these until Pixar decides to give me a sequel to The Incredibles. Call it a strike. Or a boycott. 
5. Rango. Although reviews say it's really not kid-friendly. 
6. The Little Mermaid. Shut it. Don't judge. 
7. Toy Story 2 and 3. I saw Toy Story and it's one of my favorites but the sequels passed me by. I see a pattern emerging with sequels.
8. The Tale of Despereaux  This one I can't explain. I wanted to see it but it escaped my attention.
9. Open Season I haven't seen any of these, which is odd. I think they were coming out at the same time Hoodwinked and Hoodwinked 2 came out. Now those were great. 
10. Wall*E. This one just didn't interest me. It could be that I'm really very upset about my sequel to The Incredibles.
11. A Bug's Life. Another Pixar film. Yep. Definitely a pattern forming.
12. Ice Age. Nope. These either.

     So there you have it. Pretty lame indeed. And I'm sure there are more. And I can add Madagascar 3 to this list, too. That will be soon. I've definitely become a fan of Alex and the gang.

     If you've seen any of the above movies, let me know what you thought about them. I need all the reviews I can get. And what do you guys think about an Incredibles sequel? Why do I have 3 Toy Story films and 2 Cars films but I can't get a sequel to The Incredibles? Tragic! Tragic, I say.



     Before I turn the lights off here, I'd like to ask you guys to check out the video below, if you have a couple of minutes to spare. My friend Teri's niece, who is in the video and is the thin one with the blondish-brown hair, and one of her friends made this for a chance to have it shown on Ellen DeGeneres' show. If you watch it and you like it, please share it. The girls want it to go viral and I told them I'd help make that happen. The link is posted below. The video is freakin' hilarious and definitely worth your time. Thanks for your help.

     Have a great week.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31K23kkQIIc

The Amazing Average-Guy Goes Back In Time: Epilogue

     Well guess what? I didn't have to go back in time to accomplish at least one thing on my list. Remember the first one about my high school crush? Well, to my horror/shock/surprise, she told me she reads my blog. So we talked for a bit and after much shoe-shuffling and awkwardness, I asked her out. I guess she felt sorry for me because she said "yes." :-)

     So I had a fantastic time with a beautiful woman and didn't need a DeLorean to do it.

     Not too shabby, kid. Not too shabby. Sometimes even the dorks win out. 

     By the way, "Snow White and the Huntsman" was great. You should check it out.